“…your business partner said you’re dead.”

I enjoy playing with scammers. At worst, they ignore me. At best, they give me something to post on social media.

From: “John C. Dugan” …@gmail.com
Reply-To: …@gmail.com
Date: Wednesday, January 12, 2022 at 5:59 PM
To: Craig Rairdin
Subject: Your response is highly appreciated

Good day

This is John C. Dugan. The Managing Director of CitiBank Of America USA. We welcomed one Mr. Michael Hilliker and his colleagues whom claimed to us they’re your business partner’s and said you’re Dead

After a brief illnesses and before Death, you gave him the power of
attorney to represent you and receive your inheritance Funds already Deposited in our BANK which contained the sum of US$40 Million Dollars. And he provided a bank account for the remittance of the money immediately to help in doing your burial arrangements. Now are you sure you’re the one corresponding to my email now?

I am waiting for your reply as soon as possible before we can take action over your transaction immediately….

Thank you
John C Dugan.

And we’re off. This is my favorite type of message to receive. The scammer is attempting to get me to contest the assertion that I’m dead and send all kinds of identifying information to prove it — all so that I can collect my $40 million.

But that’s no fun. I’d rather accept the scammers assertion and see how long it takes him to figure out he’s being played.

On Thu, 13 Jan 2022 at 01:19, Craig Rairdin wrote:

Dear Mr. Dugan:

Mr. Hilliker is in fact correct. I am dead. Have been for a while, actually.

You may make whatever arrangements Mr. Hilliker feels are most efficient to take action over my transaction immediately.

Now pardon me; I need to slowly open this squeaky door.

Yours Posthumously,

Craig Rairdin

I know the scammer doesn’t speak English. He’s just going to copy and paste a reply into his next email. I use references to euphemisms about the behavior of ghosts and throw in a $10 word in my signature block to get him to fire up Google Translate.

We’re in luck. He replies:

From: John C Dugan …@gmail.com
Date: Thursday, January 13, 2022 at 2:42 AM
To: Craig Rairdin
Subject: Re: Your response is highly appreciated

You have to looking forward and send me your information for the transfer contained the sum of US$40 Million Dollars. And provided a bank account how you want your funds to be deposit ??

Nice. He attached a copy of his Citibank ID. That signature doesn’t look like “John Dugan”, but it’s hard to argue that he’s not putting his best foot forward. We’ll come back to this ID in a minute. First, my reply:

On Thu, 13 Jan 2022 at 11:49, Craig Rairdin wrote:

Well now there’s the rub. Having shuffled off that mortal coil in which I had previously found myself entwined, I am in fact penniless — devoid of bank, so to speak.

I trust Mr. Hilliker implicitly. Whatever he feels is best. He obviously had a plan before you approached me. Let’s proceed along those lines, wherever they may lead.

In the meantime, it’s my turn to sweep the streets of gold so I must be off.

Gone But Not Forgotten,


Again, we throw out so Shakespearean euphemisms to tax his English skills, and throw in a little word play — “devoid of bank” can mean either “broke” or “lacking a bank account” but is nonsense when you don’t speak English. Wrap it up with a biblical reference and a signature block worthy of a polite corpse, and wait for a reply.

From: John C Dugan …@gmail.com
Date: Thursday, January 13, 2022 at 5:48 AM
To: Craig Rairdin
Subject: Re: Your response is highly appreciated

everything is genuine and legitimate, you have to reconfirm me your bank details on how you want your funds to be deposit??

Obviously, “devoid of bank” went right over his head. Let’s see if I can be more clear…

On Thu, 13 Jan 2022 at 13:37, Craig Rairdin wrote:

Mr. Dugan,

How wonderful to hear from you again. We don’t get much email here.

I have no doubt that you are genuine and legitimate. After all, you did send me a copy of your Citibank ID. You can’t get more legit than that.

As I said, I don’t have a bank account. We may have to arrange to transfer the funds in cash. Where are you located? I might be able to find a group of middle-school girls near you with a Ouija board we could use to communicate in real time.

Excuse me for now. These daisies aren’t going to push themselves up.

Yours Breathlessly,


A friendly response, to be sure, though shrouded in figures of speech to keep him guessing. He goes for the kill, specifying exactly what he wants:

From: John C Dugan …@gmail.com
Date: Thursday, January 13, 2022 at 6:46 AM
To: Craig Rairdin
Subject: Re: Your response is highly appreciated

Reconfirm Personal Information To Enable the agent Proceed With Your Fund
Translation Immediately
Full Name:……….
Contact Address:…..
Mobile Number:…..
Age / Sex:….
Where to drop your package

Now he has me anxious to get my $40 million, so I reply the best a dead person can:

From: Craig Rairdin
Date: Thursday, January 13, 2022 at 7:00 AM
To: John C Dugan …@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Your response is highly appreciated

Name: Craig Rairdin
Address: None
Country: That undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveler returns
Occupation: Harpist
Mobile Number: None (this is a nice place, but cell coverage is lousy)
Age / Sex: The men of your world marry and the women are given in marriage, but here we neither marry nor are given in marriage. Age is irrelevant, as time is no more.

Does this match your records?

I would use these funds to invest in real estate, but I have bought my last farm.

Six Feet Under,


Some Shakespeare, some Bible, some dubious doctrine, and another (extremely clever) witty reference to my current state. Mr. Dugan responds with yet another copy of his ID:

From: John C Dugan …@gmail.com
Date: Thursday, January 13, 2022 at 6:46 AM
To: Craig Rairdin
Subject: Re: Your response is highly appreciated

Here’s my I’d

It occurred to me at this point that I should be able to find that photo on the Internet. After all, “John C. Dugan” found it somewhere. About 3 minutes of reverse image lookups turned up Stephen Krause of Deutsche Bank in Germany. So I replied back to “John” with my findings, including the image of the press release I found on the Web:

From: Craig Rairdin
Date: Thursday, January 13, 2022 at 7:16 AM
To: John C Dugan …@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Your response is highly appreciated

I did some research. We have no record of you here where I’m at, but I was able to find you in the records of the “other place” that departed souls often end up. As of March 2021 your name was Stephen Krause and you were Chief Investment Officer and Chief Financial Officer of Levere Holdings. You came there from Deutsche Bank, where you were CFO. But according to your ID card, you’ve been at Citibank under the name “John C. Dugan” since 2019.

Perhaps that’s why you’re hell-bound.

I’ll put in a good word for you up here.

Your Friend on the Other Side,


And that was the end of that. Just to be clear, the picture is not that of the scammer. It’s just a random photo of a businessman he found on the Web. He didn’t realize I could find it, too. 🙂

Craig 1, Hacker 0

When you purchase a product from our website, you click on a link to download it. The link appears to be legit — just a regular link to a file on our server. But it’s not. The file does not actually exist. We intercept the link and parse it to determine what to download to you.

When geeks like me see something like this, they poke around to see what they can find. When our server sees someone like me poking around, it sends me emails so I can watch them do it, because that’s what geeks like me like to do. No, we don’t tell the customer who’s doing the poking that we’re watching them. In fact, the error message they get tells them to forward the message to tech support. In reality we already know. 🙂

So here’s a customer from Australia doing some late-night hacking. He’s trying to download MyBible 5 for Palm OS without paying for it. Ironically, it’s free so if he really wants it, he can just go through the steps of ordering it and we’ll add it to his legitimate download account. But it’s more fun to try to get a free thing for free without not paying for it.

Two things you need to know: The product code for MyBible 5 is 3MBPGM005, and MyBible 3 is 3MBPGM002. The file name he’s trying to accidentally discover is “mb5setup.exe”. So this is the real link he’s trying to find: http://www.laridian.com/files/1158044/3MBPGM005/mybible5/program/mb5setup.exe

From the log:

The filename requested (\mybible5\program\MyBibleSetup.exe) does not match the product (3MBPGM005). http://www.laridian.com:80/files/1158044/3MBPGM005/mybible5/program/MyBible5Setup.exe
The filename requested (\mybible5\program\MyBible5Setup.exe) does not match the product (3MBPGM005). http://www.laridian.com:80/files/1158044/3MBPGM005/mybible5/program/
The filename requested (\mybible5\program\) does not match the product (3MBPGM005). http://www.laridian.com:80/files/1158044/3MBPGM005/mybible5/program/MyBible51.exe
The filename requested (\mybible5\program\MyBible51.exe) does not match the product (3MBPGM005).

Next he tries to get an older version:

The filename requested (\mybible3\program\MyBible3.exe) does not match the product (3MBPG3002).

Back to looking for MyBible 5:

The filename requested (\mybible5\program\MyBible5.exe) does not match the product (3MBPGM005).

And back to MyBible 3:

The filename requested (\mybible3\program\mb3setup.exe) does not match the product (3MBPG3002). http://www.laridian.com:80/files/1158044/3MBPG3002/mybible3/program/MB3Setup.exe
The filename requested (\mybible3\program\MB3Setup.exe) does not match the product (3MBPG3002).

Here he gets it right! But he can’t download it because he doesn’t own it:

Customer 1158044 is not authorized to download product 3MBPGM002.

Now he switches his customer number to see if he can find a customer who *IS* authorized to download it. But he’s not going to get it without logging in as that customer first:

You are requesting files for customer 1158045 but customer 1158044 is logged in. You must access files through your download account. Exit your browser, then re-launch and go to our Login page to log in again.

Not sure what he’s doing here:

The filename requested (\mybible3\program\mb3setup.exe) does not match the product (3MBPG3002).

And at this point he admits defeat. Craig 1, hacker 0.

An eCommerce Company Wants to Know: Do I Want to Double My Sales?

While searching for something else in my email archives, I ran into this exchange with a sales rep from Digital River who spammed me a few years back asking if I wanted to double our online sales. It’s rather humorous.

Subject: Online Sales @ Laridian

Hi Craig,

How are sales from laridian.com? If we could double online revenue, would you be willing to outsource your web store to Digital River? We have done this for most of our 3,000 software clients and would welcome the opportunity to discuss how we may be able to do the same for Laridian. Please reply if your willing to consider outsourcing your online store.

John S
Regional Sales Manager
Digital River, Inc.

Wow. That sounds great. I’m always up for doubling my revenue. Here’s my respose:

From: Craig Rairdin [mailto:craigr@laridian.com]
To: ‘John S’
Subject: RE: Online Sales @ Laridian

Hi John!

Sales are great! No reason to make any changes. But you sound like an honest man so I’m willing to simply take you at your word — if you are willing to stand behind it.

Write back if you’re willing to sign a written guarantee that you’ll double our net revenue from Web sales as you’ve claimed you can do in your email.

Of course once we move to Digital River it will be difficult to say what our sales would have been had we not moved, so what we’ll do is take the last three years of sales and find a best-fit line based on monthly net revenue (i.e. revenue less cost of sales). We’ll project that line over the next three years and you will guarantee to send us a check for twice that amount regardless of your actual revenue from our products. At the end of three years we both can decide whether or not we want to continue the relationship.

One-half of each month’s guaranteed payment will be due on the first of the month. The remainder (either the other half of the guaranteed amount or the actual net revenue from sales) will be due within 10 days of the end of the month. If you don’t pay the full amount due in a particular month within 10 days of the end of the month, then we revert back to selling ourselves and the remainder of the 3-year contract becomes due immediately.

I don’t expect to have any expenses associated with the conversion from doing this at our site to doing it at yours. I anticipate that the way the changeover would work is that you would get everything set up on your end at no expense to us, then on the first of some particular month I’d find a check from you equal to that month’s projected net revenue and I’d edit a few lines of code on our site to send customers to your site for ordering, or we’d make a DNS change that would redirect our entire site to your servers.

I don’t expect to have any marketing expenses associated with driving traffic to the site. You’ll handle our online and print advertising as it relates to direct sales. Of course we’ll continue to handle marketing and sales through other channels.

John, I assume you’ve done your homework and you have a rough idea how much money you’re committing your company to, or you wouldn’t have made such claims in an unsolicited commercial email. Of course I trust you implicitly and know that you wouldn’t say something like this if you weren’t fully willing and able to deliver. It must be great to work for a company that can deliver these kind of results! Frankly, I’ve been looking for a Magic Bullet that would double net revenue from our Web site. If you’re willing to stand behind your marketing claims with real money (and I have no reason to doubt that you are), this could be a match made in heaven!


I assumed that if John was bold enough to claim he could double our online sales that he actually believed he could triple or quadruple them. Otherwise, he’d risk not being able to hold up his end of the deal. So my plan to hold him to his (outrageous) claims should’ve been a no-brainer for him. Apparently not. Here’s his response:

From: John S
To: Craig Rairdin
Subject: RE: Online Sales @ Laridian

Hi Craig,
You sound like a smart business man, so I’m sure you already realize their are no guarantees in business. It is true we have been able to double online revenue for most of our clients, but I’m sorry you misunderstood my email.

What? I misunderstood that when he said he could double our sales, he meant that he couldn’t double our sales?

From: Craig Rairdin [mailto:craigr@laridian.com]
To: ‘John S’
Subject: RE: Online Sales @ Laridian

Hmmm… So when you said “If we could double online revenue, would you be willing to outsource your web store to Digital River?” you never intended to demonstrate your ability to do that in any concrete way? You asked if we’d outsource our store in exchange for double our current revenue, but you had no intention of proving you could do it or standing behind your promises with guarantees.

So what are your potential customers supposed to do? Just believe a guy who spams them and turn over their life-blood to his company with the hope that the spammer knows what he’s talking about? You may have found 3000 other nut-cases with this pitch but you didn’t find one here.

Even though my message was tongue-in-cheek, I’d be willing to actually follow through on the promises made therein. By contrast, your message was a serious invitation to do business together, but you had no intention of standing behind your words with any kind of concrete action. Your willingness to spam me and spew nonsensical marketingspeak with no intention of delivering tells me more about Digital River than you could possibly imagine.

Please remove us from your spam list.


To his credit, he removed me from his spam list.

I think a business that makes a clear claim in a solicitation for business should be willing to stand behind it. I think my proposal was more than fair, even though I knew he would never go for it. It irritates me when a business makes claims like this and thinks they shouldn’t be held responsible for them.

A Customer Wants to Know: How Stupid Can I Be?

Back in the day, we used a number of email lists run by a program called mailman to communicate with our customers. You could join a list based on the type of device you had, and from time to time we’d email you to let you know about updates and upgrades. We stopped using these lists around 2007 but the server is still running.

Every month, the list server sends each member his password and a reminder that he can unsubscribe or change his preferences by logging into the server and making the changes. When you sign up for the list, you can turn this option on or off. Because so many people sign up by email and have a password generated for them automatically, this behavior (monthly reminders) is turned on by default.

On January 1 I received this email from a subscriber to our iPhone list. I’ve changed his name and anonymized his employer’s company name, which appeared in every email he sent. Note he’s writing from the UK.

You have just emailed me my user name and password in an e-mail in plain text.

Are you stupid or something!

I have closed my account

Jimmy McWeenie

Jimmy’s Employer’s Name Here

Normally, I would send a nice response that explains that there is no financial or personal data exposed by the password, and would explain why we enable this behavior by default. But his “are you stupid” comment irritated me. I crafted a number of more- and less-tactful responses to this email, but ended up sending this one:

On 01/01/2014 15:09, “Craig Rairdin” <craigr@laridian.com> wrote:


When you signed up for this email list, you chose the option to have the server send your login credentials to you every month. We are stupid enough to send you the information that you requested on the schedule that you requested.

We’re also stupid enough to send you the products you purchase and stupid enough to respond to your support requests. We’re stupid enough to continue developing new products for new platforms and stupid enough to give them away for free.

I hope we’re stupid enough to explain this clearly.

Let me know how much more stupid you need us to be.

I hope your new year is off to the same great start that ours is.


Jimmy replied:

If you still don’t get that sending someones login details, their user name and password in plain text in an e-mail is not just stupid, it’s a breach of the Data Protection Act 1998, then you should be involved in the computer business at all.

You don’t send this data out every month, just four times since 2011, which was when I had a look at your software.

I’ve done my best to ensure that my account with you is now closed, hopefully be can now both enjoy a 2014 equally undisturbed by each other

Best wishes

Jimmy McWeenie

Jimmy’s Employer’s Name Here

I had to look up the “Data Protection Act of 1998”. It was at this point I realized Jimmy is in the UK.

On 1 Jan 2014, at 22:54, “Craig Rairdin” <craigr@laridian.com> wrote:


Our company and our server is in the US. We haven’t been subject to the laws of the UK since the late 1700’s. 🙂 This is an email list you signed up for. When you signed up, you had the option to have your login credentials sent to you every month. You chose that option. The list server is following your instructions.

Every mailman list server list from the beginning of the internet has done this. I get these reminders every month from a dozen lists. I’m glad to hear you figured out how to remove yourself from the list, which is one of the options that is presented to you every month. You have not “closed your account” — just removed yourself from an unused mailing list.

I’m working on that particular server today and will shut down all the lists while I’m there. We haven’t made use of them for a long time and most people have removed themselves already.


Jimmy replied:

Unfortunately Craig, you are wrong again. Your company is currently offering it’s products through Apples UK App Store, and so those accounts will be liable to UK taxes and jurisdiction.

I very much doubt that any one who signed up, expecting some kind of news letter, thought that you would e-mail out their account details in plain text.

Tell you what, I’ll e-mail our conversation around to a few websites tomorrow, and we’ll see if, generally, people think that your company is behaving irresponsibly or not.

I’ll cc you in so that you can know who I’ve sent them to, as no doubt they will want some comments from you


Jimmy McWeenie

Jimmy’s Employer’s Name Here

So now Jimmy is threatening to expose this vile breach of privacy to the rest of the world. My experience is that people who make this threat either never follow through, or else the people they notify are used to receiving their crazy rants and just block them. So I’m not worried. Continuing to demonstrate the scope of my stupidity, I chose to respond:

On 2 Jan 2014, at 00:00, “Craig Rairdin” <craigr@laridian.com> wrote:

Our relationship with Apple is one where they act as an independent seller of our software. Our agreement with them makes them responsible for all taxes and local laws in the places in which they do business. It does not create nexus in the UK for Laridian. In fact, one of its purposes is to assure us that it is Apple that is doing business in the UK, not us. The people who signed up for the list learned about the purpose of the list on the same page where they opted to have their password emailed to them every month. If they knew they were signing up for a newsletter, they knew they were requesting their login credentials. And if they objected to receiving those, they read the instructions and learned, just as you did, how to remove themselves from the list or change their subscription settings.

Feel free to pass our conversation around to whomever you feel it would benefit. Make sure to let them know that we sent you the information you requested, that we told you how to stop receiving that information, and that you followed those instructions and now are not receiving that information any longer. If that angers them to the degree it does you, I’d be happy to discuss it further with them.


This morning, Jimmy replied:

On 1/1/14 6:13 PM, “jimmy mcweenie” <jimmy@jimmys_employer.co.uk> wrote:

I’m sure that Apple will be one of the people I send this to. From a brief viewing of Apples terms and conditions, it would seem to me that they make some effort to preclude the type of liability you suggest falling on them. Would you like to take the opportunity, right at the start, to send me a copy the details of where I signed up to have my account information sent to me in plain text? You seem to want to rely on the fact that I asked you to do this, and you were only complying with my wishes.

If you send me evidence that I specifically asked you to email me my account security information as plain text each month, I will include this information with my email of this conversation.

Is there anyone at Laridian you would like to involve in this discussion?


Jimmy McWeenie

Jimmy’s Employer’s Name Here

By threatening to involve other people at Laridian, he’s hoping to get me worried that my boss will find out how I’ve been treating our customers.  Clearly, Jimmy hasn’t read the Laridian org chart. When it comes to stupid, I’m the top dog here. I decide to bring this to an end.

On 02/01/2014 16:40, “Craig Rairdin” <craigr@laridian.com> wrote:

Here’s the documentation for Mailman, our list manager software: http://www.gnu.org/software/mailman/docs.html. It contains everything you need to know.

You may involve as many people in this discussion of the subtle details of your email preferences as you think will be interested. Personally, I’ve lost all my interest. I have explained the situation to you; you have removed yourself from the inactive list you signed up for; I have removed you from any future email we may do (though we probably haven’t sent you a marketing email in the last 10 years or so); and I’m in the process of shutting down this unused mailing list server. I’ve disabled the automatic monthly emails, which is irrelevant since I plan on having the entire physical server offline in the next few days.

I have explained that we’re not subject to the Data Protection Act of 1998 since we have no nexus in the UK. Furthermore, the mailing list does not retain any “sensitive personal data” as defined by the Data Protection Act of 1998, so unauthorized acquisition of your password would not expose any data that is protected by the Act, even if we were subject to it.

This will be my last email to you on this subject, which, as you so tactfully put it, is “How stupid can (I) be.” I believe I answered that question by simply replying to your email. I made it clearer by continuing the conversation as long as I have.

Again, I wish you the very best for the new year.


But Jimmy will have none of it. He continues:


In a mission to prove how stupid you really are, you decide to have one last poke at me, when I hadn’t taken my complaint any further.

I had decided that in light of the fact you sold Bible software, I would put the exchange to a down to a bored techie whiling the time away making ill advised comments to a customer.

However if you want to discover how serious this complaint is, I’m e-mailing Apple to see what they think of Laridian distributing customer account details across the weld every month



Jimmy McWeenie

Jimmy’s Employer’s Name Here

So sometime between when he said he was “sure” he was going to send this all to Apple and when he received my reply, he decided not to. Only when I replied did he decide to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. Interestingly, my reply contained no “pokes” at him, only a continuation of the self-depricating theme of answering his question “How stupid are you?” in the affirmative.

I’m sure since Jimmy has no idea that I’m the President of Laridian that he has no idea who to send his email to at Apple. I’ll let you know what happens next.

“Dad, When Did the Internet Start?”

Dillon and I were talking this morning about people who write checks and keep a running balance in the back of their checkbooks. I got thinking back and figured out I probably stopped keeping a paper check register in 1987 and stopped keeping an electronic one in the early 90’s. Nowadays, my bank keeps track of that for me and I can access it from my phone.

That led to the question, “When did the world wide of web begin?” And that question took me back…

I think my first experiences with any kind of online computing was during the BBS days of the 1980’s. I was a member of the “Hawkeye BBS” run by Ben Blackstock, a local attorney. For $15/year you could dial into Ben’s PC and access the various discussion lists and files that were kept there.

In about 1987 I started paying bills online with CheckFree. There was no Web and no dial-up access to the internet for most people at that time. Your computer called CheckFree directly and send payment requests. CheckFree wrote a physical check against your account and mailed it to the vendor for you. Or they would do an EFT transaction and write the check against their own account.

After I started working at Parsons Technology in 1988, Bob Parsons had me start using Quicken as a way to keep an eye on the competition. Quicken integrated with CheckFree, and MoneyCounts did too, eventually. Eventually Quicken had their own bill payment option and I think I used that for a while.

About that same time, I signed up for CompuServe. CompuServe was another dial-up service that was not unlike the BBS systems from ten years before. It was text-based — you got a menu of a dozen choices of things to do, entered a number to select an item, then you got another menu. All of this in the form of scrolling text — no graphics.

Parsons started doing tech support on CompuServe long before other companies, and we did beta testing there as well using a private forum. CompuServe had its own email service. When they eventually hooked up with the internet, my CompuServe email address may have been my first. As I recall it was 76645.2305@compuserve.com. Easy to remember.

Sometime in the early 90’s a friend of mine at church started going on and on about the cool things he was doing on the internet. He gave me a phone number to call and told me what to ask for to get a “PTP” account that would let me dial in and have access to the internet. I don’t recall if I was using a Web browser at that point or if it was all just FTP, USENET, Archie, Gopher, and other early protocols. I downloaded instructions to build a nuclear bomb, of course.

In about that same time period, America Online (AOL) came along. For you youngsters, AOL was like the Web in a box. You dialed into AOL and they served up graphical pages not unlike the Web. No Web addresses, though. Instead it was AOL “screen names” and “keywords”. So I was CRAIGR (screen name) and Parsons Technology was PARSONS (keyword). Even today you’ll sometimes see companies say to “enter the internet keyword ‘company name'” to find them on the Web. They’re still living in the AOL of the 1990’s.

Around 1994 or so, Microsoft started MSN, which was their answer to AOL and CompuServe. But the writing was on the wall and the World Wide Web was destined to be the online destination. Both AOL and CompuServe offered connections to the Web, and MSN kind of disappeared and Internet Explorer came along. It shipped with Windows 95. I tend to date most people’s awareness of the internet and the Web to Windows 95, which shipped in August 1995.

In the summer of 1996 I registered craigr.com and signed up with a company called SimpleNet for Web hosting. I created www.craigr.com. You can see a very early version of that site from December 1996 here. SimpleNet was eventually purchased by Yahoo, but not before I had a chance to visit them while on a business trip to California. The entire company was in a 3-bedroom condo with CAT5 cable running from room to room. It was pretty cool. They gave me a coffee mug and said I was the only customer who had ever visited them.

Implementing Interprocess Locking with SQL Server

I suppose everyone does this and I just haven’t heard about it. I don’t get out much, so it seems cool to me.

When we redesigned our company website (www.laridian.com) a couple years back, I needed a way to automatically update best-seller lists, new releases, and other dynamic data on the site without relying on an employee to do it every week/month/quarter. Initially, I considered writing a script that did this kind of thing and was launched by the OS on a schedule every so often, but I try to stay away from creating yet another little thing I’ll have to remember if we ever move the site or are forced to recreate it on another server.

So it occurred to me that I could keep track of when the last time was I had created a particular list or other piece of dynamic content on the site, and the first user who requests it after some time period (say once a month for “best sellers” and once a week for “new releases”) would cause the site to notice the content was old and regenerate it. That’s a cool idea on its own, but isn’t the subject of this article.

One of the problems I wanted to avoid was having two or three users who happened to show up at about the same time all trigger the process. I was concerned that it might be time-intensive and while I don’t mind delaying one customer while the data is created, I didn’t want to delay everyone who visits the site during those few seconds. So I came up with the idea of using SQL Server to implement a generic “lock” or “semaphore” capability I could use anywhere on the site.

The idea is to have a simple table with a Name field and a SetTime field. The Name field is given the UNIQUE constraint, so that duplicate records with the same Name field are not allowed. The first customer session that discovers it needs to rebuild the best-sellers list tries to INSERT a record with Name = ‘Best Sellers’ and SetTime = GETDATE(). If the INSERT succeeds, the process “owns the lock” and can do what it needs to do. If someone else comes along shortly thereafter and discovers it, too, needs to update the best-sellers list, it will try to do the same INSERT and will fail due to the existence of a record with the same Name field. This second process does not own the lock, and cannot update the best-sellers list. Instead, it uses the old list.

Once the first session has updated the list, it simply DELETEs the record, thus releasing its lock on the best-sellers list.

Since INSERT is an atomic operation there’s no possibility that two sessions are going to both believe they wrote the record.

Since the web is a flaky place, it’s necessary to allow for the possibility that a lock obtained a long time ago was never released. So every request for a lock checks the SetTime field. If the existing record is “too old” it is deleted before the attempt is made to INSERT the record.

This allows a certain amount of interprocess cooperation and communication between my Classic ASP pages with very little effort.

One of the side-effects is that the locks span not only all the processes running on the server, but can be made to span processes running on user devices. A recent use case that surfaced for this capability was the necessity of keeping a user from synchronizing his notes, highlights, or bookmarks from two (or more devices) with the Laridian “cloud” at the same time. The results can be unexpected loss of data on one or both of the devices.

The solution to this potential problem was for the synchronization process to request a lock that contains both the name of the table being synchronized and the customer ID. That way, many customers can synchronize, say, Bible bookmarks at the same time, but any one user can only synchronize one device at a time. This is a little more complicated than it seems, since PocketBible for Windows and PocketBible for iOS each have their own synchronization script on the server, while our newer clients (PocketBible for Android, Windows RT, and Windows Phone) use our new TCP-based synchronization server. The scripts for the older clients are written in Classic ASP and are invoked through HTTP POST operations from the client, while the new TCP server is written in C# and runs as a Windows Service. All have access to the same SQL Server database, and all implement the same locking strategy, which is working well.

In addition, during the debug process the TCP server runs on my local machine and connects via VPN to SQL Server. I can use and test the locking mechanism in this way before it goes live.

The combination of a very simple implementation using technology (SQL Server) that is well-known and well-tested, and the ability to implement locking across platforms makes this an interesting and (I would argue) elegant solution to a large number of problems.

How Strong Passwords are LESS Secure

We all know how important it is to use strong passwords and not to re-use passwords on different sites. We’re told not to use real words, not to use the names of pets or family members, not to use our birthdates, anniversaries, or Social Security numbers, and not to use common passwords like “password”, “1234”, and “qwerty”. And yet some of the most popular passwords at many sites continue to be easily remembered names, dates, or words.

Some sites have instituted draconian policies to make sure you use a secure password. Ironically, while some of these are banks, others are discussion forums for hobbyists or the comment section of a news site. I can understand why my bank wants me to use a secure password, but the comment area of The Mooselick Times?

Recently I was setting up a temporary testing account with Apple and had this exchange with their password validator:

Password: test
“Passwords must be at least 6 and no more than 32 characters.”

Password: testing
“Passwords must be at least 8 characters.”

Password: xxxxxxxx
“Passwords must contain at least one digit.”

Password: xxxxxxx1
“Passwords cannot contain more than two consecutive identical characters.”

Password: testing1
“Passwords must contain at least one upper case letter.”

Password: Testing1

The problem with this is a) this is a temporary account for testing In-App Purchasing, and the Apple site knows that. Why all the security? And b) Since I’m never going to remember “Testing1”, I have to write it down (and write about it in my blog). Anyone who finds my password list now knows my “secure” password.

While this is no big deal for the testing account at Apple, it’s a big deal when it’s my bank account. I have a series of mixed alpha-numeric, non-dictionary-word, very secure passwords committed to memory that I use for my truly secure accounts. But if one of those doesn’t work at a site because it doesn’t meet their rules, I have to make up another, then write it down. Once it’s written down, it’s not secure.

At Laridian, I don’t think we put any restrictions on your password. Even though almost one thousand of you use “password” as your password, we’d rather have you be able to remember it than force you to make it unguessable then have to write it down.