February 23, 1996

Traveling with Craig

1. When traveling with a spouse or friend you want to sit next to, ask your agent to book you a window and an aisle seat in the same row. Don't ask to sit next to each other. Most flights have lots of extra room and the middle seats go last. When you ask for window and aisle you'll usually end up with an empty seat between you and room to spread out. If the flight is full and someone ends up between you and your spouse/friend, trade them for your aisle seat. They'll thank you.
2. If you're assigned to a middle seat, get to the airport early and ask to be reassigned to an exit row. Exit rows can't be assigned by your agent, so they're almost always available.
3. It's extremely bad form to recline your seat. Pretend the seats don't recline. They don't go back that far anyway. The only thing you manage to do is make it impossible for me to read my magazine or use my computer. This is especially true on United Air Lines, where your hair is practically in my face when you lean back. If I could change any one thing in the world, this would be it. If I was in charge the seats wouldn't recline.
4. If I'm reading a book or working on my computer, it means I don't want to talk to you. Don't start up a conversation with me about your son who works with computers or your daughter the doctor. And don't open a conversation as one New York banker did with me: "I make million dollar decisions every day." Oh really? I'm making a big decision right now: Do I open this exit door and let the wind suck you out or not?
5. Don't take too many carry-ons. Here's a good rule: Don't carry any piece of luggage with you on the plane that contains clothing. Purse or briefcase is OK. Check all your other bags. Rumors of lost luggage are exaggerated.
6. When storing your carry-ons, use the space under the seat first, then the overhead.
7. If you must violate the carry-on rule, you'll probably get away with it. I saw a lady recently get on a plane with a huge duffel bag, a cart with two small suitcases, and two paper bags. She was traveling alone. Nobody stopped her, and it was a full flight. I suspect the flight attendants are instructed to make the rules clear but not to accost the passengers. This is no excuse for violating the rule.
8. Leave your laptop computer on when you stow it under the seat. It's against the rules, but it won't crash the plane. Nobody will know you did it, but you'll have the silent knowledge that you're proving that the rule that requires computers to be off during takeoff and landing is stupid. For real kicks, leave your cellular phone on too.
9. If I'm on your flight and the plane crashes and you survive, don't tell anybody that my computer was on.
10. Go to the bathroom before you get on the plane. There's no reason to crawl over me and make me put my computer away so that you can use the toilet on a two hour flight.
11. If the plane you're on is late arriving at its destination and you don't have another flight to catch, stay in your seat and get off last. Some of us have connections to make. It would be nice if you'd just stay out of the way.
12. Don't take the last flight out. Make sure there's always a flight after the one you're supposed to take. Especially if you're flying United. That way, if your flight is cancelled there's always one more flight you can try to get on.
13. Don't make reservations for another trip at the ticket counter. Call your travel agent. Similarly, don't go to the rental car desk to reserve a car for next week. (People really do this.) Call your agent from home.
14. If you have flight changes to make because of a cancellation, find a pay phone and call your agent. You don't need to wait in line at the ticket counter.
15. Pay for the tank of gas in the car, decline all the coverages, and return the car empty.